someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
