I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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