he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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