dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
