I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
