Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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