My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
