that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
