I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
