i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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