I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
we should paint friendship bongs
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