her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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