I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
