I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
