did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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