im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
only you would photoshop your dick
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
