I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
