Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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