Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
