New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
