I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
