I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
