i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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