Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
