and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
