i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I will pee on everything he values.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
