I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
