walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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