And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
