OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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