mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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