you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
