I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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