There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
