I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
