Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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