He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
