my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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