apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Fuck appropriateness.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
