So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You're like the curious george of whores
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
