you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
