Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
