Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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