remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
