Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
