I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
