who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
