READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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