I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
