its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
