dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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