Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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