i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
