we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
