Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
